I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
