I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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