no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
