smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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