a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
