Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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