I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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