I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
