Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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