I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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