Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize