i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
