Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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