Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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