my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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