WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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