It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i think my cat just said my name.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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