I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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