Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
