My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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