I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
