I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
