Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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