You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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