he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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