What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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