Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
