He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
