Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
