Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
