She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
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Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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