Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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