hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
