i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
