I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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