my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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