just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
