He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
