Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
