once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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