He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
