he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i've created a new STD.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
