Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
