arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
