It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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