I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
