dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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