Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
