I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
