she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
