Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
