As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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