I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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