overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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