Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
