i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
