dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's always time for handjobs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
