mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
