It's like a parade of train wrecks.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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