he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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