So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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